You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
