fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize