omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
