i think i have two assholes
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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