Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
