So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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