at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
