FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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