Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
