i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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