Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
