nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
