do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
