Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
