sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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