He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
