I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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