I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
