They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Congratulations! We have a period
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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