In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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