Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
