I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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