Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
