I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
