Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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