I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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