Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
