On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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