Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
