a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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