I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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