We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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