his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
