So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
