Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
