Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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