On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
