Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
