i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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