Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so let's talk penis.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
