Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
