I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
