Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
