Someone shit on the floor
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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