Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My life is pants optional.
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