your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
