The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just high enough for therapy.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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