he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize