You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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