I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
