I think my vagina is haunted
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
