I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
