He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
