I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
