Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
