I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
