Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
