I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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