I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
