I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
