I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
