Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
