I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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