sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
