she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
