Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
