...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
