Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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