WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
