i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
