i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
