Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
