this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
